elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
