You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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