Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
We are all done wearing pants today
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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