you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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