You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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