First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
