Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I party with great urgency now.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
