Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Randomize
