So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
