Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
