Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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