hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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