My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
