i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
