I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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