like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
