I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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