my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
