Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
