he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
