NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
