Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
