No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Of course I have a pirate flag
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
