I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
