I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
