the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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