The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
That accounts for only three of the penises
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
