Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
