I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
