Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
