The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
