Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
