no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
