I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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