Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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