On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
