Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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