I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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