Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
