That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
