no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
third nipple confirmed
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
