What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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