wat bout pragnant strippers??
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Randomize
