how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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