guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
It was confusing and full of hummus
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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