There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
