I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
