I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
