ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
