There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
